Prima Nocta wasn’t actually a real thing, says Internet.

Donald Trump’s statement that “In the old days, deserters were shot” in response to Bowe Bergdahl’s desertion of his post got me thinking about what a horrible argument it is, that just because we used to do things a certain way, it means we still should.

A mere appeal to tradition often rings hollowly to me. I wanted to make a bit about it, and I was making a list of things we used to do that were horrifying, and I remembered Prima Nocta. This was the supposed practice wherein a feudal nobleman could claim the right of banging a serf bride on her wedding night. To satirize a bit, I wanted say that there was some Lord of Fuckenshire that said the same thing about Prima Nocta. “In the old days, you could rape a peasant girl on her wedding night. But no! Not now! This country is falling apart.”

But thanks Internet. Prima Nocta was just from a scene in some play. Goddamn facts.